DIY: Reward System for Kids

We were having a hard time figuring out consequences and reward that were suited for our family and our style of parenting. We have learned by trial and error as most of you probably have. About 8 months ago, we were going through several changes in our life. We sold our house, moved, started one of our babes in school, and added several other time consuming activities to our life. On top of everything the kids were feeling the stress of the changes before the move and afterwards our world of "behavior and obedience" pretty much fell apart. My days were spent in survival mode moving from one behavioral crisis to the next. Something had to change! Michael and I tried everything... one on one quality time, special outings, time outs, corporal punishment, taking away toys and privileges, the list goes on and on, yet not much changed.

Flashback two years! I found myself in the presence of shear genius. I was sitting at the vet and beside me sat another young mom with 4 young boys about the age of my own. As I sat there watching these 4 brothers that reminded me so much of my own boys at home, I heard the mother reprimand one of the boys behavior and say, ""When we get home, you owe me a brother buck.". I stopped dead in my tracks at that moment I had to know what a brother buck was... so I not being one to sit silent told the mom... I must know what a brother buck is! She was happy to share her system of rewards and consequences they used in their family. I loved it, and tucked it away in my mental bank for a rainy day.


Flash forward! It hit me in my desperation one day, maybe we could do some sort of sticker chart... and all of a sudden I remembered the system of Brother Bucks. My sweet husband ran to the local Dollar store and the next morning we started a new system of consequences and rewards and 8 months later it is still working like a charm.

In less than two weeks our entire family attitude was refreshed. As parents we were 1. focused on the positives in the kids behavior more than the negative and 2. refocused on the need for consistency!! Two things that we had lost in our survival mode; and the boys were excited to work for rewards. They were using their manners, speaking kindly to one another, and working towards their own personal behavioral goals, most of the time.

So here is the rundown!


The boys are rewarded for putting the fruits of the spirit into practice. Each time we catch them using a fruit of the spirit, they are rewarded with a brother buck. Each brother has a special basket to keep his brother bucks in. Periodically we find them counting their bucks and trying to decide if they want to spend or save. The boys are allowed to turn in their bucks at anytime, but also know that some rewards are instantaneous like a sucker or dessert after dinner.... while others have to be scheduled, like dates, and family outings. (by the way, there are spending limits on both of these rewards). If the boys are acting disrespectfully or being disobedient Michael and I always hold the right to have the boys return one, or all of their brother bucks back to us.

I made a quick chart using Microsoft word, eventually I would like to write the rewards on a replace it with a small chalkboard. For now, I have the document displayed in a spare picture frame, and kept near the baskets.

dum dums are always in our pantry... Brennan likes to turn his brother bucks 5 at a time.

Galatians 5:22

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law or punishment against such things.

Holding Hands

Each day after picking up my oldest son from school, we pull in our driveway unload our many bags, books, and groceries from a day of school,work, and errands; and make our way down the street and around the corner to the mailbox. 
Being  natural competitors,  my older boys usually line up on the sidewalk set for the race. As they dash off, my 3 year old will run up to my side, reach up, and slip his small delicate hand into mine.  As his small body rushes to keep up with my longer strides, I know all he is wanting is the security my grasp offers him as we walk along. I love knowing he is depending on me, and I love knowing he is feeling secure and safe by simply being in my presence. 


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Each day as we stroll , I can't help but think about our Heavenly Father, and the joy it must bring to Him when His children reach up, ask Him to hold us; offering security and safety within His Holy Spirit! What rejoicing there must be to know His children are walking with Him, seeking refuge and comfort, depending on Him to guide them through the paths He has laid before them.
¹⁸ Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ¹⁹ Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ²⁰ Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates, ²¹ so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the LORD swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. Deuteronomy 11:18-21

Do you experience God's word through your children? What truth is He sharing with you this week?

Dinnertable Games to get Families Talking

Families are busier than ever.  I know there are some nights that we don't even get to spend dinner time together.  The nights we do, most of the time the kids want to share everything about everything, but sometimes dinner is spent exhausted and tight lipped. If you need a little help getting your family talking (like me)... These games help get your family talking and connecting with out even realizing.

Oh by the way, sometimes we also use these in the car! 

1. Would you Rather...
I love that this gets the kids creative minds thinking. Each person comes up with a scenario, and go around the table telling which scenario we "would rather choose" and why.  Here is my favorite would you rather so far... 

Would you rather have a left arm made of jello or of cake? 
William answered "Jello, so I wouldn't leave crumbs everywhere I go."

2. The Alphabet Game
Start by coming up with a topic or theme for the evening. Go around the table as each person names one item (starting with A and going to Z) related to the chosen theme.
Example:
Theme: Bible Characters,  Adam, Barnabus, Christ, David, Eve, Festus (I had to google that one), God, Habbakkuk, ... you get the point.
If you get stuck, move on to the next letter; but make sure to come back as a family to look up the missed information. (learning opp)

• Theme ideas for younger kids: Animals, Food, Places, Names, Toys, Bible Characters,
• Theme ideas for older kids: US Cities, Bible Characters, Being a Good Friend, Attributes of Jesus

By the way, sometimes we only get a few letters in, because the kids will start to tell the information they have to share about a certain topic, and end up talking the rest of the meal... remember the object isn't to finish, its to get everyone talking and involved!

3. High-Low or Peak-Pit
As Dinner is gearing up  and your day is winding down. It's a perfect time to reflect on the day behind you.  As each member shares the High (favorite part) and Low(worst part) of their day.  I love that this opens our eyes to the things that are important to our children and opens the door for us to ask more about any issues they may be dealing with.


How does your family connect during the week? Is it at the dinner table, bedtime or maybe breakfast? Do you play games to get your family chatting? We want to know... Please share your wisdom with other moms and families in a comment below!

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Is the toothfairy real?

Mythical Characters have always been a struggle for me. On one hand I feel like I am lying to my children, leading them away from Truth and morals that are weaved into my soul.  On the other hand, I don't want to steal away the innocents and magic of their childhood. There are too many other things in this world that will do that for me.

So far, we have taken the side to keep mythical characters, but not build them up...

We have kept Santa, but downplay his gifts and build up Jesus' birthday. 
We have kept Easter baskets on Easter Sunday, but side stepped actually verbalizing who supposedly brought the baskets.
  

And now, William has his 4th loose tooth, and we are about to face the question again.... "Is the toothfairy real? "

Your probably wondering why I'm just now dealing with this question, and how I have gotten by the last three teeth with out having to answer it? Well it went something like this...

Tooth #1, William didn't really know the "tradition" is to put the tooth under your pillow and get $$ back, so we didn't really say anything.  Of course, the instant one person saw that he has recently lost a tooth they asked the question I had feared, "What did the toothfairy bring you?".  I cringed as the words came out of her mouth, and William turned around and shot me a look of inquiry. He instantly knew he had missed out on something, he just wasn't sure what.  We moved on through the store and by the time we got home, he had forgotten all about it.

Tooth #2, was lost during Christmas Vacation, and he literally lost it... It was such a non-issue to him, so we let that go by also. By the way, we never found that tooth. I'm sure it's floating around my parents house somewhere.

Tooth #3, was pulled one afternoon, a brief question about the alleged toothfairy was brought up, to which I responded, "I don't know what do you think?" He walked off to think about it, and never got back to me. We ended up leaving the tooth on the counter for 2-3 days, had a quick Science lesson on types of teeth, and... that's about it!

I have completely dodged the bullet!! But I know my time is coming.

Tooth #4, it is hanging on by a thread. And I know any day now it is going to fall out and I will again be faced with the question, "Is the toothfairy real?" 

We have decisions to make and quick!! We have a few ideas on how we would like to handle this in our family, but I'm curious to see what you think!

 If I call out one mythical character, does it mean an automatic out for all of them? 
Is it really even that big of a deal?

Do you follow traditions and let the magic live on? 
Do you flat out say it's not real and not participate in the myth?
 Do you tell your kids it's not real, but it is fun and do it anyways?  

How do you handle Mythical Characters with your kids, and Why?